There's not an us, not for now anyway
by SimplyReBECca
Summary: J/L, as always.


Author's note - This is me officially saying I don't even know what this fic is? *shrugs* I saw spoiler pictures, and we all have opinions and yeah. Just started randomly writing - imagine Abi being worried Lauren's drinking again, confides in people, is relieved to find out she's not drinking and is just with Jake, tells Joey expecting him to be relieved and breaks his heart? - and two thousand ish words later, this is what happened.

Let me know your thoughts.

* * *

"Why are you here? Why are you doing this?" She flung question after question at him. "You aren't supposed to be doing this."

"Sorry for not doing what was expected of me" He spat out.

"You're seeing someone else Lauren, did you think I wouldn't care?" The volume and anger had gone from his voice, the upset still remaining.

She weakily shrugged. "I don't know."

He rolled his eyes. "I didn't really think about it."

He scoffed. "Nice to know I'm that important, thanks Lauren."

She groaned, blinking away tears, having not expected this confrontation this morning. "That's not what I meant Joey, and you know it."

He turned away from her. "I don't know anything anymore"

Silence filled the kitchen. "So you're with Jake, or whatever his name is." His words, simple, his tone blank. She nodded, before realising he couldn't see her.

"Yeah I guess."

He turned to face her. "And you coming back to fix everything, with everyone" he paused

"with me. That forgotten about?"

His words stirred up a mixture of emotions in her, anger being the one that came first though. "No. That was my plan. But then I wasn't expecting to have found out you slept with my best friend was I?" The bitter and resentment was evident in her voice, no matter how hard she'd tried to pretend she was fine.

"Lauren.„" She shook head.

"You don't know how hard it was coming back." Her voice, softer now, fight gone. Her temper may flare but doesn't stay like it long.

"Want to know something my counsellor said to me?" She asked, and she could see the confusion on his face, like what's this got to do with anything. But curiosity got the better of him and he nodded.

"She said that there are times in life where you want to turn back. You want to run away and not look behind you. Leave your past, memories and people because it was too tough." She looked at him, and he dropped his gaze, both remembering how she was before she left.

"That you hated the pain in your heart, the burning tears in your eyes and the dull ache in your head but didn't know how to change it." She spoke again, repeating her counsellor's words, having had them repeat in her head over and over.

"And then she said" Lauren paused, almost out of disbelief "she said you did something remarkable Lauren; instead of running and hiding, you confronted it head on. Not many people would have."

Joey didn't say anything, not that she expected him to. "And d'you want to know what I decided that day?" She spoke again, not waiting for his reply.

"That that day I was going to fix things with my sister, to earn her forgiveness and be a proper big sister." He smiled somewhat at that, it being public knowledge across the Square that the two sisters have banded together with their Dad gone.

"And to give my Dad something to be proud of." She met his gaze. "To not fall back on the drink now things aren't great, and to fight for him like he would me." Joey said nothing, and she paused.

"And?" Joey spoke, Lauren pulling a face. "And what?" He shrugged "Just felt like you had something else…" his voice trailed off, obviously thinking he'd read her wrong.

"And" she paused debating whether to say it. "That I would prove myself" she hesitantly added "to you."

"To me?" Always the tone of surprise.

"You ain't got nothing to prove yourself to me for." She raised an eyebrow.

"That wasn't your reaction in the club now was it?" He sighed. "I just" He hmm'd over his words.

"I was disappointed I guess." he continued before she could say more. "I mean you'd surprised me by coming back, I thought you'd gone for good" his voice trailed off.

"Would have been for the best if I stayed away wouldn't it?" she hated the pain she'd caused everyone, it's never going to go away.

"No." His adamant reply surprised her. "Course not. I wanted you back, course I did." There was more to his words and she knew it.

He spoke quickly though. "And besides if you'd not come back, you wouldn't have met whatever his name is." He knew what his name was.

"Yeah I guess."

"It's my fault anyway." He said randomly. "Couldn't just expect you to always be about could I?" He rambled slightly. "You left, and I thought that was it." His gaze flickered to her. "And then you came back and I thought…"

That we'd get back together.

"Yeah me too." She admitted softly, his brow crinkling in confusion.

"But Jake's been there." she shrugged. "He gets how I am Joey. It just sorta happened."

Joey tensed.

"Coming back you scared me, more than I was scared I'd drink anyway." he lifted his head at that, him not expecting it.

"I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before. 'Cause you hurt me so bad, and I was afraid to be vulnerable and honest. And I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now after the way I was, but I just thought that you should know.

"You think I weren't scared Lauren?" His reply surprised her. "Having seen you like that? Having you gone?" He stepped towards her but she side stepped him. "But I love ya, and that's not changed."

She spoke quickly before he could say anything else that would make her heart ache. "I can't do it though. Not again." His face, usually blank of emotions suddenly was an open book for her, and the next words rushed out of her mouth before she could stop them. "I thought I could" Remembering how she'd been so open that she wanted him back, that she could be the girl he fell for. Wishing then that he would just say okay, and that he loved her.

"But I can't." she paused. "not yet anyway."

His head lifted, and he raised an eyebrow. "Not yet?" She shrugged.

"Not now. I can't do this with you right now." She sighed, she'd revealed more than she wanted to, she may as well be honest. "Even if I wanted to" she saw a tiny smirk appear on his face out of instinct and she rolled her eyes.

"If, Joey, if." he smirked more but nodded, knowing they were still being serious, not at a point this was something they could joke over.

"It wouldn't matter that I wanted to" He went to speak but she interrupted him. "You were right okay that day, in the cafe, about taking things a day at a time." Again he went to speak, and again she cut him off with a groan.

"Don't tell me that's what we'll do then Joey because we won't." She sighed. "That's not us, you know it's not." He didn't reply, which she knew meant he couldn't argue back.

"And right now" she paused, knowing if she said this, she couldn't wake up tomorrow and change her mind. "That's not what I need." She let out a breath. "Or want either." She said softer.

"Because of him, this Jake guy." She groaned. "No!…. Well yes sort of." She reached out to touch his arm and he stepped back from her, which stung.

"Right now, seeing what could happen with him, him getting me" she shrugged. "It's what I need Joey" she shook her head slightly, before tipping it to look at him through her lashes. "it's new and it's simple, and it's good I think."

He was staring blankly at the wall, face frozen again. "And surely" her voice cracked a little, having held back her emotions for most of the conversation so far. "Surely you can't hate me for that?"

All of a sudden she was swept up in his arms, her head buried in the crook of his neck, feeling the vibrations run through her frame as he spoke "God no Lauren." His voice was partially muffled by her hair. "I could never hate you babe." She felt him exhale deeply. "Especially for wanting to be happy." He stepped away from her suddenly. "It's all I've wanted for you ain't it?"

Seeing his face, that guilt appear again, more words came rushing out of her mouth "I was happy with you." He clearly didn't believe her. "I was Joey, God, you were the best part of my life." He shrugged her words off, and she was lost of what to say.

There was uncomfortable silence between the two, both aware the other was hurting but aware they couldn't fix it, not this time, not yet. Lauren's phone vibrating on the table got his attention, and he motioned that he should go.

"No! Wait!" He paused right before walking out the back door. "If you don't hate me…." she paused waiting for him to change his mind, for him to shout and blame her for everything, for him to break her heart again. He said nothing. "And I'm over the whole Whit thing" He pulled a face, and she felt bad for bringing it up and corrected herself "Well not over it, but I don't hate you either." He just nodded once.

She ran out of words, too many versions of what to say in her head. She shut her eyes and breathed in. This was too much. "Say it Lauren, whatever it is." He muttered, hand on the door handle again, expecting the worst.

"I don't want this to be it." Her words came out in a rush, and she could tell she'd confused him. "I don't want to pretend anymore." she paused, trying to pick the right words. "that this" she waved her hands between them "was nothing." He shrugged one shoulder and mumbled an okay, which meant nothing. "I want us to be good Joey." He rolled his eyes, muttering something along the lines of we can't always get what we want.

To which she reacted. In typical Lauren fashion by blowing up at him. "I am sick, sick of fighting so hard for everything." She blew out a massive breath of air. "Why for once can someone not just agree with me and things be good" Tears sprang up in her eyes, her desparately blinking them back, she refuses to cry anymore for this boy.

He stepped away from the door, leaning in to brush one solo tear away, hand hovering over whether to tuck her hair back or not. She tipped her face forward slightly, letting her heart get what it wanted, as he pushed her hair from her face. "Okay." Her eyes flew open, although she hadn't realised she'd closed them, sub-conciously having leant further into his touch.

"Okay?" She raised an eyebrow. "We can be good" He said, forcing a smirk, his eyes being the giveaway it was a struggle to do so. "Yeah?" She hated how weak her voice sounded, and he picked up on it as well.

"Yeah." He tensed slightly as he stepped away from her. "Almost lost you once." He met her gaze. "Not going to be stupid enough to do it again" Their eyes locked, and the connection fizzled between them, and she got the feeling there was more depth to his words but wasn't brave enough to question them, not today.

"So we're good babe." She couldn't help the smile that broke across her face, and seeing it, the smile that appeared on his in return.

"Better than good, we're great" She replied, sarcasm and laughter back in her voice, him chuckling in response. "Always." He smirked, her heart skipping a beat at his choice of reply.

Her phone vibrated again, snapping her out of the bubble she often finds herself in when Joey's around. "I'll let you get that" He waved his head in the direction of her phone, smile still in place but voice blank.

"Joey…" She spoke his name but didn't know what to say. "It's good, we're good." He replied, not meeting his gaze. "Yeah?." She wasn't sure if she spoke a question or not, but he nodded.

"Just…." He paused, seeming to be having an internal debate over whether to speak or not. "Just?" She questioned, wanting, somewhat needing to know what he was thinking. Ever since the day she met him, he'd been a total puzzle to her. Even when she thinks she's cracked it, she'll suddenly gain another dozen pieces to try and make sense of.

"Let me know when things change yeah? I'll be around" His words had confused her, but he left before she could question it, her phone went again and she quickly got caught up in her bubble with Jake, and forgot all about Joey's parting sentence.


End file.
